Shinigami's Angel
by Willow8
Summary: A short 2x4 about how Duo fell in love with Quatre. SLASH IMPLIED (man I suck at summaries...) Please read and review!


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, all I own is the storyline. Now we have established that, on with the story!

A/N: Well, I seem to have been dead for a while… but as promised, the next chapters of many-a-fic will be making their appearances very soon. This is a 2x4, which is m/m slash. If you don't like that sort of thing, then I suggest not reading it. Well, read it if you want to, but don't flame me for it! ^_^ For everyone else out there, review please!! ^_^

~ Shinigami's Angel~

_"I'd never believed in any sort of Gods before, the only thing I'd ever experienced was death. But then I met Quatre. He showed me that there was a whole world out there that wasn't filled with death and destruction, but with life, happiness and love. I really loved this new view of the world, and, with Quatre by my side I felt that there was little I couldn't do… except face the truth…_

_My Quatre, I don't even know when I started thinking of him like that; as mine, he wasn't, well… he was, but I didn't own him, I didn't want to end up hurting him. But my Quatre was dying. I couldn't face the truth, and when it came, I couldn't handle it. I was upset at everyone, at Quatre the most. He had known that he was dying and had never told me. He wanted me to enjoy my new outlook on life._

_It all struck me then, how I would talk about what we could do, get married, live on earth, adopt children – or even have them made in test-tubes like his sisters were. And all he would ever do was smile and nod and say 'that sounds nice'. He never actually agreed. Now I know why, and it really hurt. If felt like I was rubbing salt into his wounds. He knew… and he never said anything… But in all, it wasn't him I was mad at, it was myself. I could never be mad a him. Never. I loved him too much to be mad._

_He'd made me believe, in God, in myself and in him… well, in humanity in general. And gradually, I found myself falling in love with him. At first, I noticed little things; like how he always did the buttons on his shirt starting in the middle, how he took his tea, how he tied his shoelaces and even how his eyes changed shade depending on how he was feeling. I noticed little aspects of his personality; how he was terrified of getting hurt but he still let people close to him, how he greeted everyone with a genuine smile and a warm hand of friendship no matter how tired, bored or angry he was feeling. Quatre would always offer to do something with me, go out to a club, play a game, cook a meal, just so that I didn't feel left out. I noticed that he hugged me in the morning before he went to work and always left some kind of treat for me in the kitchen. Even though he knew I was as capable of making my own food as he was._

_Even though he was the younger of the two of us, and definitely the one with the most emotional baggage – surviving the war, not being trained properly, loosing his father – he still took care of me. He wasn't interested when I tried to look after him when he was sick, he wouldn't be 'nursed', saying that he needed to work to bring in the money. Not that he needed to, what with the vast wealth that his father had left him, my best friend was the richest person alive, and he still felt the need to work. Quatre only worked to keep the family business going…he needed to keep himself busy, if he didn't, the memories of the war came back, and he once again felt useless. Working every day made him feel needed, useful. He wasn't convinced to stay off work until he collapsed during a board meeting one day and was rushed into hospital. I remember that he protested that he was fine, even when he tried to get out of bed and his legs caved in underneath him because he was so weak. _

_And apparently, that was when it started. And I didn't know about it. The doctors ordered Quatre to rest; he was putting unnecessary strain on himself, strain that could end up killing him. I made sure that he stayed off work and rested at home, but even I couldn't keep him there for long. At first, he seemed permanently tired, sleeping as soon as he came home from work, too tired to do anything at weekends and always seemed drained of his energy. And all the time he was apologising, because he thought he was 'costing me fun'. I didn't care though. I wanted to take care of him, I wanted him to get better. But he knew… he knew that he wouldn't._

_He cried, did you know that? At night, he cried. When he thought that the entire household had gone to sleep, when he thought I was asleep, he cried. But I heard him, every night I heard him and I daren't help. I couldn't help. But once he'd stopped crying, I went into his room to see him. I sat down on the bed next to him and held his hand, offering my silent support. A few times he would mumble in his sleep, more often than not the words were nothing but undecipherable moans. Even if I couldn't understand what he was saying, his face screwed up in pain or showed intense sorrow, and the tone of his voice made it all so clear. He was so vulnerable in his sleep… so innocent… it made me wonder what kind of beast would dare plague his dreams. On occasion, when I just sat and watched him, Quatre would 'sense' my presence and his hands would grope for mine, fumbling in the dark until I held his hands gently in my own. Once or twice, he actually called out my name, then, and only then, did I talk to him; reassuring him of my presence, telling him that everything would be fine. And do you know what? I thought that it would be._

_But it wasn't. Things seldom are, especially where my life is concerned. Quatre 'recovered' quickly and was soon back at work, his numerous sisters had ganged together to force their little brother to do less work and purposefully set him the easier tasks._

_Annoyed at first, Quatre soon accepted that people were worried for him and he took it easier. I had never been so relieved. Over the next few weeks, months, the relationship that Quatre and I had blossomed. We started going out again, he even took me on a date to the most romantic restaurant on the entire colony – the most expensive one too… I had a stupid grin on my face for days. A stupid grin that nothing could wipe off – or so I thought._

_Quatre was rushed to hospital one day at work and didn't come home that night. Worried, I rang his sisters and they were horrified that I didn't know. Know what? You ask, well, I didn't want to know. But some ludicrous part of me asked what was wrong anyway._

_He was dying. The ex-gundam pilot had refused treatment for his cancer. Apparently they discovered it while he was in the hospital and Quatre said that he would just let it come. The Winner family residence had received a phone call about 20 minutes before I rang saying that Quatre had stage three testicular cancer… and that this month was very probably his last. Since he had refused treatment, all they could do was make him as comfortable as possible and watch as the cancer destroyed him._

_My world shattered. Shards of the life I'd worked do hard to build with Quatre disappeared as they hit the floor. The pin had been thrust roughly into the bubble that had kept me alive since the war had ended. Everything came crashing down around me._

_Because of all the pain meds that Quatre needed, the doctors requested that he stayed at the hospital. None of us were very happy about that, but we agreed, on the promise that Quatre wouldn't have a boring white room, but one with coloured walls and that we were allowed to visit whenever we wanted. The doctors argued and just said that Quatre would die faster if he wasn't in hospital, so reluctantly, almost as reluctantly as Quatre had stopped work, his sisters agreed that he should just stay put. I didn't agree at all, but hey, since when had my opinion mattered? I was only Quatre's lover… no one important. Not to them, not while they were forced to watch their baby brother wither away and die. _

_We all visited him as much as we could for the next two weeks, then his sisters came in dribs and drabs as they slowly had to return to work, visiting whenever they could. I, however, stayed around for as long as I could until I got chucked out by the nurses. Each time I had to go I hugged him, told him that I loved him and that I'd be back in the morning. He told me that he loved me too but that I shouldn't spend all my time next to him, ridiculous thought really, that I wouldn't want to spend every waking moment in his company. I loved him, I still love him._

_That next day, he knew. He knew that it was his last day. He seemed so happy, looking back on it. Death must have been a release, he hated hospitals. His sisters had all been to visit him and he told each one individually that he loved them and gave them all little messages, many of which sent them out crying. Finally, it was my turn with him. _

_As normal, I sat beside him on the comfy chair beside the bed and we talked. He was so pale and thin, yet his eyes held so much life, even though he was so close to death. We talked about everything, from puppies to motor-cross racing. We had a really good laugh and then I felt nature calling._

_He knew that I had to go, so when I said that I would be back in a minute, he took my hand and pulled on it weakly, so I moved towards him and he kissed me. He told me that he'd always love me, I told him that I loved him too. Making a joke out of a serious moment, he told me that I should hurry up and go to the toilet before I made a puddle on the floor._

_As I left the room, I saw him smile serenely at me, before he rested back against his pillows and shut his eyes. At the time, I thought he was just tired, so I waved and hurried to the loo._

_When I came back, I saw that he was sleeping. His hair had flopped over his face, the serene smile still sitting on his elfin features. White-china skin without a blemish in sight was perfectly still and he seemed to glow slightly in the moonlight as it filtered in through the window. I didn't think for a moment that anything was wrong. I stood, stunned, just watching him. He looked like an angel, a fallen ethereal being that had just fallen from heaven and had decided to stay and help. _

_I crossed over to sit beside him and take his hand. Then I noticed. As my fingertips brushed his bare skin it was cold. Putting the back of my hand to the side of his face… cold… no breathing… I fumbled to find a pulse, but I couldn't find one…_

_A chill ran down my back, like someone had dropped an ice-cube on my head and was guiding it down my spine. I shivered and came to my senses. Slamming down hard and repeatedly on the panic button, I screamed at the top of my lungs for someone to help him, realisation dawning on me like a slap in the face. _

_Tears spilled from my eyes and I clenched my braid tightly, strands of hair coming undone as I sobbed. But the doctor simply stood there with the nurses and looked at his watch. He looked around and then said three words that destroyed me. "Time of death, 18.21"_

_I backed myself into a corner and sobbed, sliding around the wall and curling up in a ball, rocking backwards and forwards, chanting all the time 'he isn't dead' through my sobs. He couldn't be dead! Someone so beautiful shouldn't die, not in such a horrible way. Quatre was an angel! He didn't deserve death… But then that was my curse wasn't it? Death to those I love._

_That day I swore, never again. I will never love again. Too many things had happened, too many people had died, all my fault, every one of those deaths. _

_I think I must have sat in that room for over 5 hours, even after Quatre had been moved into the morgue. I sat there crying, screaming, yelling for Quatre to come back, and while he was there, yelling for him to wake up. But he didn't, he wouldn't, ever again. And it hurt. A pain flared in my chest and it was so bad that I thought my chest was going to explode. In a way, I wish it had._

_Anyway, we buried him. He had an elaborate funeral to which so many people came it was amazing. The other pilots were there, Hilde, Sally, Noin, Zechs, Relena… all of his sisters, workers, business men and of course, the Maguanacs came to say their farewells. I had no idea that the kindness of one person could go so far; there were hundreds of people there. Some I know… most, I didn't…_

_Eight years on, I've kept true to my oath. I haven't loved anyone else, I guess you could say that I've kept faithful to Quatre. I'm only writing this because I think that some people deserve to know my story. _

_I hope he's waiting for me in Heaven, I'm ready to give up against this super-bug. As soon as I've finished this letter, this story, whatever you want to call it, I'm giving up. I won't fight anymore._

_Hold on Quatre, I'll be there soon…_

_Goodnight to you all, and God bless._

_Duo Maxwell"_

The pallid, sickly brunette folded the letter and addressed it to Heero, Trowa and Wufei. His violet eyes had long since lost their laughter and sparkle, but a glimmer of the old Duo appeared as he lay the envelope on the pillow next to his head and held it in his right hand weakly as the turned on his side. He coughed harshly and winced as the coppery tang of blood appeared in his mouth. 

"Goodnight," He whispered dryly, clicking off the light. "God Bless."

And with that, his eyes slid closed and his body went limp. He felt himself soaring and when his eyes opened, he was infront of a huge pair of ornate gates. He blinked in a mixture of shock and awe. They creaked open and the braided boy leapt in the air.

A blond head poked out around the gate, chewing on his bottom lip. Duo's breath caught in his throat as he looked closer at the figure. It couldn't be, could it?

"Quatre?" 

"Duo!" He found himself flying tackle-hugged by a blonde boy with giant white wings. "I missed you so much!" Quatre cried, silver tears running down his cheeks. "I watched you every day, I tried to come back but they stopped me! I love you." 

Dumbstruck, Duo couldn't say or do anything except stare at Quatre's sleek wings. Now he really was angelic. Purely angelic.

"Welcome home," Quatre said, kissing Duo lightly on the lips and taking his hand, their fingers lacing. He pulled lightly and lead Duo through the gates…

_"And now, I'll live forever, Shinigami and his Angel."_

~~End~~

A/N: Review!


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